For weeks, the Westport High School physics teacher, (anonymous), has reported the conspicuous disappearance of various magnets from his physics class. This tragedy has spawned various conspiracy theories relating to the root cause of the disappearances.
One theory that has recently gained traction around the cafeteria is the idea that Benjamin Sisson, Westport's preeminent injured wrestler and dress wearer extraordinaire, is the culprit.
Previous reports have ascertained that Mr. Sisson is in possession of two nipple piercings, something which appears to be entirely unrelated to the disappearances, but when coupled with recent eyewitness testimony from anonymous tipsters at our tip line (mailto:whsheadliner@theheadliners.org), that Sisson's piercings have experienced suspicious growth in recent days, one can only speculate.
Obviously this is all alleged, and the WHS Headliner makes no direct accusation of guilt, but if these tipsters are to be believed, it would not be a leap in logic for one to assume Sisson has stolen the magnets to decorate his chest.
Some have also suggested that there may be another solution to this mystery, one that does not actually implicate Sisson in any wrongdoing, but instead suggests that these magnets are attracted to the nipple piercings and Sisson himself is only a passive actor.
Benjamin Sisson did not respond to our request for comment.
